Charlie

Being LDS there is always the possibility that you will be called to serve in any number of positions in the local ward. Being in an LDS singles ward it's as if they've made 50 or 60 extra positions or "callings" so that everyone has something to do. Now, I know that with each calling comes an opportunity to grow and learn no matter how insignificant it may seem at first, but let's face it there is no stopping people from feeling that what they do to serve isn't worth anything.

Recently I have had the figurative hand of guilt slap me the face over this issue. Over the past year I have been a Family Home Evening group leader, second counselor in the Elders Quorum, and now family history Sunday school teacher. It has been brought to my attention by my oh so kind and loving fiancèe that I haven't had the best attitude about my callings. Yes the one that loves me and wants to marry me took that figurative guilt hand, cocked it back, and swung it right at my face with full force in the form of the words, "I haven't known you to have a calling that you didn't complain about."

"Not true!!"
"How dare you say that!"
"If things would change then I wouldn't have anything to 'complain' about."
"Oh my gosh, I'm a horrible person."
and finally, "Wow you're right I never realized it before, but I do complain about my callings."

In a matter of minutes I went through 5 stages of grief. Grief over having a piece of my pride die and being forced to eat some humble pie. Whether it was feeling like no one in early morning meetings cared that I was there or even wanted or valued my opinion in any way shape or form, or the fact that FHE in a student ward is only there so that the students can find people to date and I already had a special someone, or that I am a teacher of a class that last week I only taught 1 person, I always found something to complain about. When did I become so negative?

Ultimately it takes a realization that you are not the kind of person who you've told yourself that you wanted to be to really take the steps to change.

 I served a full time mission for two years in Tennessee. In order for me to even be ready to go on a mission I had to really make some important changes in my life. Not that I was a bad kid, I mostly just didn't do daily things that I needed to do. After coming to my senses and really doing my best to be a worthy missionary I left on a journey that would change my life. Now, I'm explaining all of this so that I could get to this point. In my first area my companion and I had a ward mission leader named Charlie who was 22 and had just gotten home from his mission. I first met Charlie within the first few days of being in Tennessee. That first time I met him he took us to get dinner at a local Dairy Queen. (which is actually how I started to think about him because today I was at Dairy Queen for the first time since he took us) Over that first meeting I saw in Charlie a quality that I told myself I would have when I got home. Charlie wanted to do everything he could to magnify his calling. He wanted to help us in any way possible. Anytime we needed him he was there for us. It didn't matter what time it was or what he was doing, Charlie always found a way to help us. He was such an example to me. I wanted so bad to take what I learned from him home with me so that I could be the kind of person he was when I got home.

So here is the question. How did I get here? How did I go from having such a drive to be like Charlie, to whining all the time about what the callings I have? Part of me wants to blame it on the singles wards, but honestly that's just me complaining some more. It is true that I don't feel the same about church when I go to a singles ward compared to when I go to a family ward, but that's because I allow things to bug me. I allow the feeling that singles wards are just a place where people try to advertise themselves just to get a date to really bother me and take away from the spirit of going to church. It's time to face the fact that I am not where I wanted to be 4 years ago. How I handle it from here is the real test.

For this realization I thank my fiancèe for helping me see what I needed to see. I also thank Charlie for being an example to me 4 years after buying me those chicken tenders at Dairy Queen.